I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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