this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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