Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
