I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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