The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I believe in your delicious
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
