How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just found puke in my bra..
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
