I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
