I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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