I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize