Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
