So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
