I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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