I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
