im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
