I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
