Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
