Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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