just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
