Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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