you traded sex for a burrito?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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