it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
