At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
