Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
