highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
