i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
