I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
