If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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