WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
