His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
