I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
