Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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