Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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