I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
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