Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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