i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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