It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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