its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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