I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
