toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
