Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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