Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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