Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
