I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
