and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
