Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
