David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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