I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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