ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
how can u be prego again
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
