So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
