Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
