Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
pray to the hookup gods
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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