I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
